Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
