I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
no, he came in my armpit
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.