Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason