so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
