Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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