i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.