Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.