the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing