I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.