how can u be prego again
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
