But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
