I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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