While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
