So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
