Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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