oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
