So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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