WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
