She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
