Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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