seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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