we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
