My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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