I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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