is wine microwaveable?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
