he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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