Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
