Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
