they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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