It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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