If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
