you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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