Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
