So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
