She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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