so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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