you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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