I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
