God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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