SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize