i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
