The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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