This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
