I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Go christen that room with your naked body.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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