After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
