"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
