I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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