i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
