Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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