my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
