the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
MIDGETS
????
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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