Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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