are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize