I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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