i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
