apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
