Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
3 2 1 whiskey
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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