I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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