I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
