wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
