Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
