Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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