All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
