Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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