Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
