Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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