I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
