Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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