You made me cry and you don't even care
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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